- Do you get upset when a specific song comes on and reminds you of....?
- Are you the type that only has negative things to say about their ex-partners?
- How about the difficulties of the past, are they still the reasons you are so "cold"?
- Did someone hurt you as a child? Did someone touch you as a child?
- Were you in an abusive relationship (physically and/or mentally)?
- Have you been let down by family members or close friends?
- Do you tend to hold grudges?
If you answered yes or maybe to any of these questions, then this post is for you!
Life is complicated, it is not easy, and it's full of a ton of experiences; good and bad. Sometimes these experiences are very bad, but surprisingly enough I still think life is and can be beautiful. During the first two months of living in Spain, my faith grew in addition to my ability to forgive, minimize, and control the feeling of resentment.
It is amazing...getting rid of, eliminating or curing yourself from resentful thoughts and emotions. It sets you free!
Resentment, I would define, as the state of being a prisoner in a jail created and sustained by your own sentiments. It is also submission; submission to the origin of the resentful feelings. Resentment is strong. It conquers your mind, body, soul and it affects your well-being, even long after an incident has occurred.
Resentment is like a song you put on repeat! Not just any song; a song that awakens every brain cell and vibrates on every nerve of yours because it reminds you of something and/or someone. It is interesting when you take the time to observe your songs or playlist choices depending on your mood, mindset, and stage in life.
When I am “in my feelings”, I listen to Rhythm N Blues’; slower songs, peaceful melodies, lyrics about being broken-hearted or dangerously in love. When I am angry, I find myself listening to Hip Hop, Rap songs or just songs that encourage and feed my anger. In times where I feel disappointed, I listen to Heavy or Black Metal.
In other words, I pick songs that justify all the negative or positive thoughts that are going through my head at that given moment. Despite what music genre you choose to listen to, the point here is that you choose to play a specific song or playlist on repeat, and that specific song/playlist will make you feel a certain way. Resentment is a choice!
Remember, resentment is like a song you put on repeat!
Let us assume that you are at a party having a blast with your buddies, until, all of a sudden “that song” comes on. Yes, this one song that you and your ex-partner used to listen to when you first met. Yuuup, during the so-called "honeymoon" stage, where everything is so perfect and so lovely, and you can't stop cheesing when you're texting or talking to them. Yeah cool, but that is over now!
Sooo...what do you do and how do you feel while this song is playing? Do you make a face and stop dancing? Do you go on a rant of how you regret meeting them or how they didn't deserve you? Or do you dance to the song, sing along, and continue to enjoy your time out? Do play it off like you are un-bothered?
What happens when you go home though? Do you still think about it? Does it all replay in your head and do you relive every given moment and second of the memories? You tell yourself It is not intentional, but it just happens; it feels as though you cannot control it, but in reality, it is just another habit...a bad habit.
“Knowing how listening to this song affects you, would you intentionally listen to it or skip it whenever it comes on?”
Personally, I would put that *** on replay. Why? If you choose to avoid listening to the song, you're not "fixing" yourself or solving the issue. You are unable to control when and where the song is played. What you can control and do though is decide not to let that song affect you in the same way.
Resentment is like a song you put on repeat!
Resentment comes from our inability to accept what and how something has taken place. It also derives from the fact that we may be displeased with how an event or a person has been handled.
What does that do and why is it an issue?
It drains you. It keeps you stagnate and stuck in your past, but most importantly the primary person, and a lot of times the only person, affected and slowed down is YOU! It stops you from growing, moving on, and becoming a better person. I am not saying forget all the bad things that have happened to you or the people that who have hurt you, NO. That would actually be a dumb decision and would make it very likely for you to undergo the same situations again. What I am suggesting is to liberate yourself from being a lifelong, helpless, and sad victim and/or to free yourself from the need to do something just as hurtful in return.
Change the feeling associated to that instance, change your view, and the impact it has on you. All that energy you use, or better said waste, hating someone, something, or even yourself, will be more beneficial if you were to use it to heal, make plans, grow, and succeed. Because trust me, learning how to transform your negative energy, efforts, and mindset into positive and focusing on problem-solving (instead of complaining), is a priceless and fundamental tool that will guarantee you success.
Personally, I realized that hating, purposefully disobeying, irritating, disrespecting, and sometimes thinking of ways to hurt the person who molested me as a child was pointless and it trapped me. Instead, what I have chosen to do is to view myself as a powerful, dynamic and tough individual(kid then, woman now) who not only overcame such an unfair, heartless, and traumatizing situation, but also helps other people overcome their situations and pain.
I use this energy to make my motivational posts and workouts that I share with you every day. I use this energy to fill in the gaps and permanently curate the wounds that this incident and person have created. Because what did I achieve during all those years of hating and coming out of my character to make a point regarding how that person is a piece of s***? Nothing. That person still is a piece of s***!
I am and forever will be scarred by what happened to me, but now the difference is that it's just a scar, one more beauty mark. It’s not a wound I keep reopening by taking time out of my precious life to hate someone or hold on to incidents that hurt and I cannot change.
I used this personal example, a story I will elaborate on in a different post, because this is the main situation and incident in my life that built me into the independent and strong woman that I am today. But first, first this incident shattered my heart, faith, hope, soul, and ability to forgive into a trillion pieces. Pieces that I am still putting together. Pieces that I would struggle really hard to find and see, if I had continued to let rage, anger, sadness, and self-pity blur my vision.
So, are you going to keep replaying and/or skipping that one song or are you going to change the lyrics and make a new, better version of it, a remix or something? Are you going to be upset and angry every time it comes on or will you smile knowing that is just another song to add to your playlist “Motivation”, “Better Me” or “That’s the s*** that made me”?
Resentment is like a song on replay, don’t skip it or delete it, just make a remix!
The following post dates from February 28th, 2017 (Spain). The personal example I provide dates from 1998-2010 (7-17 years old).
Resentment free since 2017!